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Organization of Secret Monsters’ Constitution

October 16, 2013


Organization of Secret Monsters

After much bloodshed, intrigue, backbiting, name-calling, and rounds of Pin the Tail On the Human, a group of Monsters put forth a plan to loosely unite as one against the stupid human menace. The goal was one of protection and secrecy. Man must not know of our existence, or at least put forth campaigns of denial.

The solution was the creation of the Membership Council of Elders of the Organization of Secret Monsters quasi-based on Greek classical theory regarding the four elements. The Monster Founders were not concerned about the mathematical implications of the elements; they desired a set formula to properly screen future applicants.

The goal to create a uniformed measure in dealing with the enormous diversity within the monster community was immense (not that stupid humans knew); hence the usage of the four elements; water, air, earth and fire. 

Approximately twenty-four hundred years ago (-23 SMT (Secret Monster Time) or 420 BC s.h.t. (stupid human time), a lottery was held where 211 randomly pick monsters formed the Secret Monsters’ World Assembly,  After twenty-three years of debate, sabotage, and violence, The Organization of Secret Monsters was officially established in 0 SMT or 397 BC s.h.t. The constitution is as follows:

PREAMBLE:

We the Secret Monsters of the Air, Water, Earth and Fire, in order to protect ourselves from the rapidly propagating stupid human race, establish Justice against the stupid humans, insure Domestic Tranquility from the stupid humans, provide for the Common Defense against the stupid humans, promote Secret Monsters’ Welfare against the stupid humans, and secure Liberty to only Secret Monsters and Our Posterity against the  stupid humans, do ordain and thereby establish this Constitution for The Organization of Secret Monsters.

ARTICLE. 1:

Section.1:

1.  The Organization of Secret Monsters is based on universal suffrage with but two exceptions; a monster must be a member of the said Organization and has reached at least the equivalent of fifteenth percent of its life expectancy in order to be eligible to vote.

2.  The determination of life expectancies among the varieties of Secret Monsters is determined by the Membership Council of Elders of the Organization of Secret Monsters. All decisions are classified as “Official” and “Secret” where only members of individual classes are to know their determined ages.

3.  At the establishment of the Organization of Secret Monsters, all monster will be categorized according to their primary habitat referred as Confederations: Confederation of Air, Confederation of Water, Confederation of Earth, Confederation of Fire.

   1) Water: monsters that primarily live in a wet environment.

   2) Air: monsters that primarily depend on traveling, hunting, and even living in the skies.

   3) Earth: monsters that primarily inhabit the earth’s ground (dry and moist).

   4) Fire: monsters that primarily have a specific supernatural power.

4.  Each Confederation will elect two monsters for the Membership Council of Elders.

5.  The electoral process will be established by each individual Confederation.

Section. 2:

1.  All members of the Membership Council of Elders must be at least one-half the age of their particular class life expectancy (Article one) upon taking the oath.

2.  All elected members of the Membership Council of Elders hold a life-time position.

3.  No Elders of the Membership Council can conjointly hold a senatorial seat, National or Confederation government position.

4.  Upon the death or resignation of an Elder, elections for his/her/it successor must be held within three days.

5.  No activity is allowed unless there are eight Elders present.

6.  All decisions made by the Membership Council of Elders are final and un-reversible.

7.  No censure or recall against the Elders is constitutionally allowed.

8.  The murder, sucking of blood or eating of a member of the Membership Council of Elders is greatly discouraged.

Section. 3:

1.  The Membership Council of Elders are empowered to:

   1)  Determine life expectancies for each monster group.

   2)  Admission of new monster groups into the Organization of Secret Monsters.

   3)  Solve and mediate complaints of any monster group in regard to their particular status.

   4)  Hold Judicial proceedings and impose punishment against any member or members actively engaged in usurping the Constitution of The Organization of Secret Monsters with authoritarian or oligarchic rule.

2.  The Membership Council of Elders has no jurisdiction over any or all government officials with the respective Confederation Governments.

3.  The Membership Council of Elders has no jurisdiction over any or all Judiciary decisions.

ARTICLE. 2:

Section. 1:

1.  The Senate will consist of one hundred and twenty Senators. [1]

2.  All Senators must be members of The Organization of Secret Monsters.

3.  All Senators must have reached at least the equivalent of twenty percent of their life expectancy at the time of taking the Senatorial Oath

4.  Each Confederation elects a total of twenty-five percent of Senators.

5.  Each Confederation will establish their own primaries to put forth candidates for election.

6.  Senators are to be elected every five years and are able, if they survive assassination, murder, poisoning or unexplained violence, to serve an indefinite number of terms.

7.  If more than twenty-seven Senators resign, die of natural causes, foul-play,  unexplained acts of violence. or eaten before the five year term is up, all Senate seats are subjected to immediate elections within forty-eight hours. [2]

8.  The new elected Senatorial members will be charged with carrying out the remaining part of the term.

9.  All Senators must reside within their respected local communities.

10. No censure or recall againstany Senator is constitutionally allowed.

11. Personal disputes between Senators are to be resolved in the Senate’s Room of Random Violence.

Section. 2:

1.  A leader of the Senate, known as the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters, will be elected by all Senators at the beginning of each five-year term. The two Senators with the largest percentage of presidential votes go on to a final Senatorial Presidential Election.

2.  In the case of more than two or more presidential candidates are tied and fall into the categories as stated in Article. 2: Section. 2: II, a stare-down contest is to be held where the one who blinks last wins.

3.  An election to fill the abandoned Senate seat by the new President will be held within forty-one hours upon taking the Presidential Oath of Office.

4.  The election for the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is to be held within fifty-three minutes of the opening secession at the beginning of a new five year term.

5.  If the Senate is to undergo re-elections as stated in Article. 2: Section. 1:7, and; if the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is to suffer an untimely or timely death while serving his/her/its term, a new election is mandated to take place within twelve hours upon discovery of his/her/its remains. The individual elected will serve out the deceased President's term.

6.  If the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters should disappear, regular Senatorial business will continue until said President is officially declared deceased. Upon declaration of said President's disappearance, a temporary President will be randomly selected from the sitting Senators via lottery. The temporary President will fill out the previous President's turn or until the elected President remains are found.

7.  Any Senator who refuses the honor of being President, he/she/it , will lose an appendage for each day of resistance. If the Senator has no more appendages to remove, he/she/it will be thrown into the Room of Random Violence by the entire Senatorial body.

Section. 3:

1.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters has the power to call a full Senate to session.

2.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters has the power to convene the Senate for no more than 175 days out of a five year term.

3.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters unilaterally appoints Senators to Senatorial Committees and Commissions.

4.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters conducts and leads all Organization of Secret Monsters' Foreign Affairs.

5.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is the only individual able to present a prospective treaty to the Committee of Boring Foreign Affairs.

6.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters has no veto power over the Senate’s decisions, but can delay the implementation of a law or dictate passed by the Senate for five days.

7.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters will resolve disputes within Senators. The President's decision will not be reversed. Senators involve in the dispute can, if desired, object to the President's decision through physical violence.

8.  The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters cannot constitutionally be censured.

9.  Only in the case of bribery can the Senators, with a four-fifths majority  banish the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters for the rest of his/her/it life to secretly washing human's clothing.

10. The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is restricted to one term (or a total of five years). After completing his/her/its term, the President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is to be given a Banquet of Thanks by the entire Senate.

11. The President of the Organization of Secret Monsters is not to be the main course or any part of the eatable treats presented at the Banquet of Thanks.

Section. 4:

1.   All legislation will be directed to its appropriate committee.

2.   The formation of any new Senatorial Committee requires four-fifths approval of the entire Senatorial Body.

3.   The individual powers endowed upon each new approved Senatorial Committee require four-fifths of the entire Senatorial Body.

4.   The number of members to be designated to a newly formed  Committee require four-fifths of the entire Senatorial Body.

5.   All committees must have equal representation from the Confederations.

6.   Any Senator not casting a vote during the endowment of powers for a Senatorial Committee, will lose an appendage for each day of resistance. If the Senator has no more appendages to remove, he/she/it will be thrown into the Room of Random Violence by the entire Senatorial body.

Section. 5:

1.  Any Senator can introduce legislation to the responsible committee. provided:

   1)  It must be voted on by the corresponding Senatorial Committee members within three days.

   2)  Corresponding committee members may add addendums to the proposed legislation.

   3)  If passed by a simple majority, the new Senatorial Committee legislation must be approved by four-fifth of the full Senate.

2.  Any Senator not casting a vote for any legislation, will lose an appendage for each day of resistance. If the Senator has no more appendages to remove, he/she/it will be thrown into the Room of Random Violence the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism.

Section. 6:

1.  All fiscal legislation must receive four-fifths approval from the complete Senate.

   1.1.  If it fails to pass. All members of the Finance Committee are to be replaced by the President.

   1.2.  If the next fiscal bill fails, the previous year’s budget is automatically enacted.

2.  Any Senator not casting a vote for new Senatorial Committee finance legislation, will lose an appendage for each day of resistance. If the Senator has no more appendages to remove, he/she/it will be thrown into the Room of Random Violence the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism.

3.  There is to be no more than twenty-five hours of oral debate over any proposed financial bill.

4.  The Senate is required to have its budget balanced.

5.  If the Budget is not balanced, one out of ten Senators' names will be drawn and thrown into the Room of Random Violence by The Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism.

Section. 7:

1.  The Committee of Defense is to provide for an armory within each Confederation under the protection of the National Army.

2.  The National Army is to have no more than 500 members of which twenty-five percent are to come from each Confederation.

3.  The President is the commander-in-chief of the National Army.

4.  The Senate has the power to call all Confederation militias together to confront a hostile outside attack or rebellion provided:

   1)  It must be requested by the President of the Senate in handwriting (if the President is illiterate, his/her/its severed hand can be substituted) to the full Senate Body.

   2)  The Senate must pass the declaration by nine-tenths.

5.  Two military members will be called from each Confederation militia by the Senate to conduct the Confederation militias as one.

6.  The Federal militia is to be under the control of the President of the Senate.

7.  The Committee of Defense has the power to veto the President's military decisions. A vote of four-fifths of the committee members is required.

Section. 8:

1.  The Senate has the power to establish a National currency provided:

   1)  Currency is equated to a tangible commodity value and is therefore, not fiduciary.

   2)  All Confederations may maintain their own methods of local monetary exchange.

Section. 9:

1.  The Senate has the power and authority to establish laws and regulations with regard to interactions between stupid humans and Secret Monsters provided the individual Confederations approve.

2.  If there is a dispute between any or all Confederations and the Senate, the Council of Elders are to intervene by voting on the issue at hand.

   1)  Seven-eighths of the Council of Elders members votes are required to approve the Senates measures over these disputes.

   2)  The vote must take place within ninety-one hours of being informed of the issue.

Section. 10:

1.  The Federal Government is to receive nine percent of each Confederacy's tax revenue.

2.  The Federal Government cannot impose any additional taxes.

Section. 11:

1.  Because The Organization of Secret Monsters is a world organization, each year of the five year term the Senate will meet at the following five successive places.

    1)  City of Atlantis (Do not tell the stupid humans where this is).

    2)  Shangri-La (The Yeti has ask that none of the Senators feast on their Yaks).

    3)  El Dorado (No Senator may look for gold while the Senate is in Session).

    4)  Thule (Wear warm clothes).

    5)  Seven Cities of Cibola (The Senate will occupy a successive city during each fifth year term).

ARTICLE. 3:

Section. 1:

1.  All Federal Judges must have reached at least the equivalent of thirty percent of his/her/its life expectancy  at the time of taking the Judicial Oath.

2.  Federal Judges are appointed by the Senatorial Committee of Judiciary by a four-fifths majority.

3.  Appointed potential Federal Judges cannot refuse the honor inflicted upon them.

4.  Secret Monsters who refuse this honor are handed over by a mob to the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism within the Room of Random Violence.

Section. 2:

I.   Any and all Federal Judges indicted by the full Senatorial Judicial and Committee condemned by four-fifths for the crime of Judicial Activism or Legislating from the bench will be handed over to the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism within the Room of Random Violence.

Section. 3:

1.  A Supreme Judicial Court will comprise of  Justices appointed by the full Senatorial Judicial Committee.

2.  The Supreme Judicial Court is empowered to rule  over the constitutionality of Senatorial legislation questioned by one or more of the following:

   1)  Laws in question by all or any Confederations may be placed before the Supreme Judicial Court.

   2)  Laws in question by any or all members of The Organization of Secret Monsters.

   3)  Laws in question by  the entire Membership Council of Elders.

Section. 4:

1.  Federal Judges are to enforce the laws of the Organization of Secret Monsters.

2.  Federal Judges can send any plaintive who brings a baseless, idiotic and useless case to court to Mob Justice.

3.  Active Judges cannot be serving in the Senate.

4.  Federal Judges' sole means of enforcing the law is via the usage and creation of a Judiciary Mob.

5.  A Judiciary Mob must at least have fifty percent of its members from the same Confederation  of the obvious miscreant.

6.  A Judiciary Mob must not exceed twenty-four member as to not place undo strain on infrastructure and invoking stupid human attention.

7.  A Judiciary Mob is encouraged not to carry signs or torches because of the similarities to professional stupid human protesters.

8.  A Judiciary Mob must respect all private property, but are free to destroy public property.

9.  Any member who becomes a professional Judiciary Mob member will be subjected to the nearest Room of Random Violence by the last mob he/she/it was involved in.

Section. 5:

1.  Trial lawyers are not protected by the Federal Judiciary.

2.  Trial lawyers can be lawfully subjected to random brutal attacks.

3.  Federal Judges cannot disrupt the taunting of trial lawyers.

4.  Federal Judges can and are encouraged to condemn trial lawyers to death by the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism within the Room of Random Violence.

ARTICLE 4:

Section. 1:

1.  The proposal for any Amendment to the Constitution must pass the Senate with ninety percent of the vote.

2.  All Senators must vote under pain of extreme violence by his/her/its fellow Senators.

3.  Said Amendment is to be presented to the Secret Monsters’ community one week before a special election is held for ratification or rejection.

4.  An Amendment to the Constitution must at least receive five-sixths of the votes cast.

AMENDMENT I:

          All Secret Monsters are encouraged to carry weapons.

AMENDMENT II:

          The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters  shall make no laws to restrict the freedoms of speech.

AMENDMENT III:

          The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters shall make no laws with regard to religion.

AMENDMENT IV:

          The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters shall make no laws that violates or confiscates private property.

AMENDMENT V:

          All powers not delegate within the Constitution are to be reserved by each Confederation and their respected constitutions.

AMENDMENT VI:

          All Secret Monsters are to be protected from the stupid humans through disguises, trickery, insults, threats or light-hearted brutality.

AMENDMENT VII:

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has the authority to make treaties with other monster organizations, groups or families.

AMENDMENT VIII:

          The Establishment of the various Rooms of Random Violence (censored).

AMENDMENTS ADDED AFTER THE FORMATION OF THE ORGANIZATIOn OF SECRET MONSTERS

AMENDMENT IX: (1 SMT)

          Upon completing their five year Senatorial term on the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism, said Senators are to be thrown into the nearest Room of Random Violence by their successors.

AMENDMENT X:  (2 SMT)

          Member on the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism, if convicted of abusing power, must throw up to four generations of their family into the Room of Random Violence.

AMENDMENT XI:  (4 SMT)

          In addition to the Tenth Amendment, Member on the Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism, if convicted of abusing power, must dance with an elephant, disguised as a human jester, chanting, "I am so pretty" in front of no less than one hundred stupid humans. Upon completing said dance, the convicted monster must present sweets to the smelly human offspring found in the stupid human crowd.

AMENDMENT XII: (6 SMT)

          The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters has no jurisdiction over a respective member's choice of food not matter how disgusting.

AMENDMENT XIII: (9 SMT)

          A member of the Organization of Secret Monsters cannot hold a stupid human or a fellow Secret Monster as a slave.

AMENDMENT XIV:  (37MT)

          Secret Monsters are not to reveal themselves to stupid humans. Although jumping from behind rocks to frighten stupid humans is a great exercise for elderly Secret Monsters, but it is considered by the Senate as deprecating.

AMENDMENT XV: (52 SMT)

          No treaties of any kind are to be made with the stupid humans.

AMENDMENT XVI:  (94 SMT)

          Eating humans is greatly discouraged.

AMENDMENT XVII:  (200 SMT)

          There shall be no civility among Secret Monsters during a Civil War.

AMENDMENT XVIII:  (201MT)

          In the event of an inner monster group or inner Confederation war, Senators may take sides, but are required to take all physical violence outside the Senatorial building or buildings. Heckling, cat-calling, ridiculing, sarcastic remarks, insults and rude (but amusing) gestures are more than welcome within said buildings.

AMENDMENT XIX:  (308 SMT)

          The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters cannot regulate commerce among the various Confederations.

AMENDMENT XX:  (461 SMT)

          Misappropriation of Funds by any Organization of Secret Monsters' government official will be immediately thrown into the Room of Random Violence by thirty-three randomly chosen tax payers. Any and all descendents from previously mentioned convict will be forced to eat only turnips for ten years or until death, whichever comes first.

AMENDMENT XXI:  (461 SMT)

          Any Organization of Secret Monsters government official found and convicted of living lavishly on public funds will be thrown into the Room of Random Violence by thirty-three randomly chosen tax payers.

AMENDMENT XXII:  (548 SMT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over its members' facial or body hair.

AMENDMENT XXIII:  (549 SMT)

·        The Senate of the Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over its member's clothes.

AMENDMENT XXIV:  (550 SMT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over its member's teeth or fangs.

AMENDMENT XXV:  (551 SMT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over its members'  finger or toe nails.

AMENDMENT XXVI:  (551 SMT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over its members' horns, antlers or any protruding bones or cartilage.

AMENDMENT XXVII:  (769 SMT)

          Stupid humans are neither an animal or a vegetable, but some sort of primordial goo.

AMENDMENT XXVIII:  (812MT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over the means on how individual Secret Monsters are able to deny their existence to stupid humans.

AMENDMENT XXIX:  (813MT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over the hiding techniques  of any or all Secret Monsters.

AMENDMENT XXX:  (901MT)

          Secret Monsters are not to reveal themselves to stupid humans. Throwing boulders is considered a great sport, but not when smelly stupid human offspring are the primary target.

AMENDMENT XXXI:  (945MT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over providing or enforcing education on any or all Secret Monsters.

AMENDMENT XXXII:  (1039MT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over the parenting rights of any Secret Monster.

AMENDMENT XXXIII:  (1115MT)

          The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority in intervening in Secret Monsters' health or health related concerns.

AMENDMENT XXXIV:  (1746MT)

          Encouraging the fleas spreading the black plague in front of stupid humans is discouraged. However, gloating among fellow Secret Monsters about the plague is considered both appropriate and healthy.

AMENDMENT XXXV:  (1815MT)

          Secret Monsters are not to reveal themselves to stupid humans. Twirling stupid humans around a May Pole is highly discouraged.

AMENDMENT XXXVI:  (2063MT)

          Secret Monsters are not to reveal themselves to stupid humans. Although setting fire to stupid human cities can be amusing, however it is not appreciated by the Senators of the Organization of Secret Monsters.

AMENDMENT XXXVII:  (2260MT)

          Secret Monsters are not to reveal themselves to stupid humans. Yelling charge behind a group of outnumbered stupid human soldiers, although inventive and whimsical, must be held to a minimum.

AMENDMENT XXXVIII: (2316 SMT)

          Upon the request of The Secret Society of Holy Rodents, the induction of said Society will be legalized by a constitutional amendment.       

          1.  The Organization of Secret Monsters in the year 2316 accepts The Secret Society of Holy Rodents as a satellite organization within Organization of Secret Monsters .     

          2.  The Secret Society of Holy Rodents will be allowed to vote for but not hold any of The Organization of Secret Monsters Senatorial seats for the Earth Confederation.

          3.  The Secret Society of Holy Rodents will contribute no more than two percent of their earnings to The Organization of Secret Monsters and three percent to the Earth Confederation.

          4.  As a satellite organization, The Secret Society of Holy Rodents control their own membership, civilian and government structure.

          5.  No member of The Secret Society of Holy Rodents can be subjected to:

               1)  The removable appendage will be done by the Appendage Removal Committee in the Room of Random Violence.

               2)  The Committee of Secret Monsters Cannibalism.

               3)  The Room of Random Violence..

          6.  As a satellite organization, The Secret Society of Holy Rodents controls their own judiciary and are not subjected to federal judges.

          7.  The Secret Society of Holy Rodents will have no representation on the Membership Council of Elders.

AMENDMENT XXXIX:  (2366MT)

         The Senate of Organization of Secret Monsters has no authority over the type, method or means of transportation that each individual Secret Monster uses.

AMENDMENT XXXX:  (2380MT)

       Secret Monsters are not to promote, advertise, and sell fashion accessories to the stupid humans unless it makes them look even more ridiculous than they already are.

[1]

The Organization of Secret Monsters' Senate currently is comprised of 360 members.

[2]

The number is currently 73.

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